


A Million What Ifs

by JohnDeacon



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, F/M, Falling In Love, Loss, Love, Past Relationship(s), True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:02:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29924190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnDeacon/pseuds/JohnDeacon
Summary: It’s been 50 years, but Roger Taylor is still reeling from the loss that sent his life spiraling out of a control. The pain has never gone away and the thought of her still lingers. However, that is all about to change as he meets a mysterious strange and is given the chance to experience the life he could have had, had Lacey lived.
Relationships: Roger Taylor (Queen)/Original Character(s), Roger Taylor (Queen)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. Lacey

It began with a mildly panicked call from Sarina. Her words were hastened and her thoughts disorganized. Brian was struggling to piece together the series of events that had taken place the previous morning. He listened as she inhaled deeply finally feeling her mind at peace. Clearing his throat he was hesitant to request a repeat of the garbled chaos of words that had sprung forth from her mouth. Giving her a few moments to breathe he politely asked her to calmly and slowly give him the reasoning behind her worry.

The previous morning around 3 am Roger shot up in bed, covered in sweat. His breathing was hard and labored, his hands shook as he lifted them to cover his now pale face. The drummer had experienced night terrors before, but this one was different. He reached down and threw the sheets off of his almost naked body. As he stood up he swayed slightly his hand gripping onto the bedpost for support before placing his feet into his warm house slippers. He then grabbed his robe, threw it on, and left without saying a word.

Brian sat quietly for a moment before speaking. “So what you’re saying is Roger is out there somewhere in just a robe and his slippers? Sarina I don’t see why that’s so out of the ordinary.” He chuckled to himself trying his best not to let her hear him. “You said he yelled out someone’s name. What was that name again?”

“Lacey.”

Roger sat in a secluded part of the pub trying not to draw too much attention to himself. It had been years since he drowned himself with booze, but after what he had experienced it was easy to make an exception. A few people glanced at him the sight of what appeared to be a half-dressed crotchety old man, leaning over his fifth glass of bourbon, forming their own opinions about what brought him there. Perhaps he had a row with the wife and she tossed him out with only the clothes on his back. Maybe he was homeless, perhaps just drowning his loneliness. There were a thousand and one reasons, but none of them were right.

The drummer’s ears honed in on the sound of his cell phone vibrating against the hard wood table. Turning it over to view the screen he watched as Brian sent him a series of texts.

_You’ve been thinking about her again haven’t you? - Bri_

_No one has heard from you since yesterday. - Bri_

_Hello? Roger I know you’re there it says you’re reading these. - Bri_

_What happened with Lacey was an accident you can’t keep beating yourself up over it. That was 50 years ago. - Bri_

_I know you loathe the idea, but I’ll mention it anyways. - Bri_

_You need to talk to someone. A therapist at least. You can’t just keep randomly disappearing every time the memory of her gets to be too overwhelming. - Bri_

_You’re just going to keep leaving me on read aren’t you? - Bri_

_Arsehole. Call me if you need anything. - Bri_

Reading through them made his blood boil. It was always the same story when it came to the guitarist’s attitude towards the situation. Move on and stop sulking. Easier said than done. Brian didn’t know the extent of his agony and he never would. He suffered in silence, so much so, that the thought of suicide had plagued him relentlessly at times. It was something that would never go away no matter how much time passed and in his mind no therapist, even the most seasoned, would be able to release him from his grief. Pressing the glass to his mouth he took a long drawn out drink ignorant to the fact that someone had taken a seat across from him.

“Mr. Taylor?” Roger felt the whiskey glide into his windpipe causing him to cough uncontrollably. “I apologize I didn’t mean to alarm you.”

Roger’s eyes widened as he desperately attempted to catch his breath. “Who the bloody fuck...”

“...am I? That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

With tears falling from his eyes the drummer placed his elbows onto the table leaning in to the mysterious stranger who had joined him. “Fuck off.”

“Oh come now. Surely a bit of company couldn’t hurt.” The man smiled crookedly at him. “I know why you’re here.” Roger scoffed. “Does the name Lacey ring a bell?”

That was enough to attract Roger’s attention. “You don’t know anything.”

“Sure I do. Lacey-May McKinney. Beautiful Irish brogue. Strawberry blonde hair. The best lay you’ve ever had.”

“That’s enough.”

“You met her around 1968. She was the love of your life the only girl you’ve ever been faithful too.”

“I said that’s enough.” Roger stated a hint of anger in his voice.

“Sad what happened to her, but Brian’s right it wasn’t your fault. Tripped over her shoelaces the poor the thing. The very shoelaces you promised to replace. You only had a split second to react. The car came around a blind corner and didn’t see her getting up. Drunk they later found out. It ruined your life.”

Roger slammed his fist down hard on the table and rose from his chair so violently it left a permanent dent in the wall. “WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT?” He growled through clinched teeth. “GET OUT!”

The man frowned slightly, but complied to the drummer’s request not wanting to cause anymore of a disturbance. Turning on his heels he took a few steps before shifting on his toes to face Roger again. “By the way...” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card with only an address typed upon it. “...if you want to see her again come find me. Surely you’ve wondered how different your life would be had she lived.” Those were his parting words as he disappeared from sight leaving Roger with his thoughts.

Roger’s body was burning with a rage unlike anything he had experience before. Twisting around he grabbed his chair and sat it upright feeling a million eyes bore into his soul. He flopped down feeling exhausted from the exchange. How did the man know so much about her? He couldn’t have been more than 20 and he went into so much detail. He knew things Roger had never spoken of to anyone. Shifting his eyes he stared down at the card curiosity had gotten the best of him.

* * *

As he stood in front of the man’s door he wondered if he had completely lost his mind. After a few minutes of no answer, the drummer turned to walk away.

“Mr. Taylor. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Drawing in lengthy breath he felt his lip begin to quiver and his body start to tremble. “I want to see her.”


	2. The Red Volkswagen

If Roger had any second thoughts now would be the perfect time to turn around and leave. Sure he was intrigued and wanted to question the mysterious stranger when it came to how he acquired such personal information, but in the end, it all sounded completely ridiculous. As he followed the man into the sitting room and took a seat on the couch made of velvet he knew he was in too deep. There was no turning back now. A large armchair sat across from him and he wondered if this was just going to be a simple counseling session where he poured his heart out for little to nothing in return.

“Lay down Mr. Taylor. Make yourself comfortable.” The man sat down in the chair and crossed his legs resting his hands in his lap as he noted the hesitation in Roger’s eyes. “Go on then.”

Rolling his lips together the drummer did as he was instructed too kicking his feet up and stretching his body out feeling a few cracks in his joints. Getting old was a bitch. “If you think I’m going to just lie here and let you psychoanalyze my feelings you’ve got another thing coming.”

“Relax and close your eyes.”

“Oh is this the part where I take a quick nap and then you tell me I spilled my guts to you in my sleep?”

“So many questions. You are mouthy, aren’t you? Do as I say. For Lacey.” Roger ultimately relented his eyelids slowly closing tight. “Before we begin I must warn you, that there are things you cannot change.” The stranger watched the drummer’s eyes twitch. “Keep them closed. Now picture her. Picture her face. Remember the sound of her voice, the color of her hair. Feel all the feelings you did the moment you saw her. Take deep slow breaths.” The man shifted forward in his seat, his long thin arm reaching out to touch Roger’s hand.

“Roger?” A muffled voice called out. “Hello?” It began getting louder and clearer. “EARTH TO DICKHEAD!” Without warning, he felt a hard punch on his shoulder that was enough to knock him out of whatever trance he had found himself in. “What are you fucking staring at?”

Roger glanced at Tim, his heart leaping into his throat as he took in his appearance. He still hadn’t uttered a single word as he took in his surroundings noting the clothes, the hair, the cars. It was 1969, he was standing outside a local record store with his bandmates, discussing the gig they were to play later that night at Imperial College. He was back. The sight of a faded red VW Beetle passing by filled him with anticipation for it brought back the memory of when he first laid eyes on her. As soon as the Beetle flew by he glanced across the road and there she was waiting for the traffic to clear with her former best friend Judy. He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. At that moment the world around him ceased to exist.

Lacey-May McKinney was a total spitfire hailing from County Wexford, Ireland. She had moved to London to experience life away from the small town she was raised in where everybody knew everybody. In London no one even gave her a second glance, there was never the fear of stepping a toe out of line and having it get back to her strict Catholic parents. She was finally free from her restraints and had her whole life ahead of her. Little did she know the moment she crossed that street she would catch the eye of a young, dental student, who just so happened to know a thing or two about the drums.

“Hello? Roger where are you today? Don’t make me punch you again.” Tim and Brian turned their heads in the direction of the two girls who were now crossing the road. “Alright, I’ll give you a pass for that one. A hundred quid if you can get at least one of them into bed tonight. Double if you get both.”

The two girls passed in front of them chattering on about nothing in particular. Roger pushed himself off of the wall without hesitation weaving through the swarms of people that occupied the sidewalk.

“There goes our boy wonder.” Brian joked, shaking his head at the entire situation.

“Excuse me?” Roger cried out as he pushed past a couple with a pram. “Um...excuse me?” He tried once again, his second attempt also failing miserably. “EXCUSE ME!” The two girls turned around their arms linked as they stared at the man who had just screamed out to them. “Sorry about that. I’ve been trying to get your attention.”

“I know,” Lacey admitted. Roger felt his heart melt at the sound of her sweet Irish accent still just as thick and lovely as he remembered it. 

“Then why didn’t you answer?”

“Hmmm let me see. Two rather attractive single girls flitting about London alone when suddenly some strange man comes running up behind them trying to get them to stop. Sounds a bit suspicious to me.”

Judy suddenly jerked on Lacey’s arm pulling her in close to whisper in her ear. “What are you doing? He’s absolutely gorgeous and clearly interested in us.”

Lacey furrowed her brow. “Judy you can’t be serious.”

Before Lacey even had a chance to protest further Judy extended her hand towards the blonde-haired blue-eyed stunner hoping he would accept it. “I’m Judy. It’s so wonderful to meet you. Are you single by any chance?” There was an awkward silence as Lacey waited for her friend to introduce her, but Judy was interested in one thing and one thing only. 

To her embarrassment, Roger decided to forgo any sort of romantic gesture that may give her the wrong impression. Instead, he simply shook her hand and then gave Lacey a wide smile. Judy retracted her hand back down to her side, her eyes still fixated upon him.

“Listen I’m in a band and we’re playing a gig tonight at the student union…”

“Really? What’s the name of this so-called band?” Lacey was still apprehensive and she had every right to be.

“Smile.”

“Never heard of them. C’mon Judy we’re going to be late.” Dragging Judy by the arm the two began to leave.

“Alright girls? I hope my mate here hasn’t been bothering you too much.” A tall lanky man with what appeared to be a poodle cut stepped beside him.

Lacey groaned under her breath as the second man quickly shifted her friend’s attention. “He’s not bothering us at all. We heard you’re in a band.” By now Judy had hearts in her eyes as they lingered on the young drummer who was growing increasingly uncomfortable.

“Indeed we are. We’d love it if you two could swing by and have a drink or two. You won’t regret it I promise.” Brain smiled in Lacey’s direction and to everyone’s surprise, she smiled back for a brief second. “Hope to see you, girls, there.” Brian gripped Roger by the shoulder pulling him away before he could say another word.

“MY NAMES LACEY BY THE WAY!”

Roger smiled to himself as he turned his head glancing back at her before replying. “ROGER!”


	3. Hug Me Forever

Roger spent the rest of the day indulging in the fact that he was once again a young spry 19 year old doing what he loved. There were no aching bones, no tired feeling after only playing for a solid 2 seconds, no flab, no wrinkles. At the time, meeting the mysterious stranger at the pub that day was the best thing that could have ever happened to him, though he could have done without having to look at Brian’s pre-long flowing locks hairstyle again. Seeing Lacey that morning made him happier than he had been in a long time, but there was one more person he was eager to see.

Waiting to go on was agony and he found it hard to sit still. Brian and Tim watched as he paced about the room biting his nails. They had never witnessed him in such a state for whatever nervousness he did feel he was careful not to show it.

As Roger turned to make his next pace about the room Tim had, had enough. “You alright Rog?”

The drummer stopped abruptly staring at his friend. “Do you think Freddie will be here?”

Brian looked up from what he was doing, a look of bewilderment plastered across his face. “That’s what all this is about? You’re wondering if Freddie will show up?” Roger didn’t even flinch. “I mean he’s our flatmate so I would assume so.” The drummer nodded before picking up where he left off. “You’ve been acting strange all day. If I had to guess that bird you met earlier has your head all over the place.”

Roger stopped once again this time for good as he took a seat beside the guitarist. “She was probably the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“You say that about all the girls you meet.” Brian quipped. “And trust me I mean all the girls. Every single one of them.”

“Mmmmm we’re that Roger then.” He mumbled under his breath.

“Pardon?”

“Oh sorry I’m just talking my thoughts out loud. Are we going to do this then?”

“Smile” gathered themselves and headed for the stage, the crowd was a bit smaller than usual. Roger took in the sea of people trying to recognize a few of the regulars who stopped by their show. Sitting down in front of his drum kit he noticed Judy immediately and tried his best not to make direct eye contact. She was screaming his name louder than anyone even the girl beside her, who he remembered shagging on multiple occasions. His drumming was extremely hastened for Brian and Tim’s liking. Brian had to remind him constantly to slow it down, but he was simply trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. Wrapping up the show they bid the crowd farewell and headed for the back of the venue where their trusty van awaited them. It was where they would hang out after a show, relax, and talk about how they did. It was also the place where Roger would meet most of his groupies. Judy was already there waiting for them and the very sight of her made him uncomfortable and rightfully so. He took a seat at the back of the van and Judy followed. She was eager to please as she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling his head to nestle against her breasts.

“Roger you were…”

“...bloody superb!” A familiar voice shouted.

Immediately Roger stood up and fixated his bright blue eyes on the person in front of him who also happened to have his arm draped around Lacey.

“Freddie?”

Freddie Bulsara shifted his eyes feeling uneasy about how his friend was acting. “...yes?”

Roger smiled wide and grabbed him by the arm drawing him in for one of the tightest hugs he had ever given.

“Fuck it’s good to see you!” Roger spoke into his ear, his voice quivering.

Freddie stood there unsure of how to react, Lacey still tucked close beside him. “Um…” he reached up with his free arm patting his back in a comforting manner. “Are...are you high?” The length of time since the hug was initiated growing longer. “Roger darling is this necessary? Everyone is staring. Not that I mind. A saucy little minx like you giving me so much attention. Actually keep going hug me forever.”

Roger chuckled as he pulled back and wiped his eyes. “Sorry I don’t know what came over me.”

“And tears to boot? God if only everyone reacted that way to seeing me I’d be in Heaven. Oh…” Freddie turned and smiled at Lacey. “Darling this is…”

“Lacey.” Roger smiled. “We met earlier.”

Freddie could see that Roger was completely smitten. “I’ll leave you to it then. We’ll hang out soon darling. Don’t forget you owe me a drink.”

Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek the quirky eventual front man for a band he’d rename to Queen glided away. Roger tucked his hands into his pockets remembering how nervous he felt the first time he was left alone in her presence. Strange how after all this time nothing had changed.

“So...how did you like the show?”

Lacey unfolded her arms and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears. “It was good.” She was clearly having jitters of her own.

“Good? Is that a compliment? I’m impressed. After this afternoon I wasn’t sure you had it in you.”

She smirked. “Well aren’t you just great at first impressions. You know I’m not always like that. I’m still new around here and you just startled me is all.”

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I just saw something I wanted and went after it.”

“I mean I can’t blame you. Judy is very pretty.”

“Ha...ha.” He replied sarcastically. “You know…” Before he could finish the very person they were discussing showed up to claim him.

“Judy. We were just talking about you.” Lacey knew her friend would be absolutely tickled at the idea that Roger even knew who she was.

“I was just thinking we don’t live far from here if you lovely boys would like to come back to our flat?”

Lacey shook her head, opening her mouth to shut down the idea, but Roger stopped her. “We’d love to. Brian!” He shouted, turning back to the group. “These two girls want us to go to their flat!”

“I’m game!” Brian replied as he ran up to them. “Freddie and Tim are meeting a friend at the pub down the road. Alright, which one of you am I walking home?”

Judy pulled Roger away linking her arm with his. “He’s all yours Lacey!”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Your friend does not give up does she?”

“No she doesn’t. Well then Brian, care to walk a nice Irish girl home?”

Smiling widely he offered her his arm, which she gladly accepted. “I’d love to.”


End file.
